Part I
Part I - Bruce and the Crackers
(Or: How Not to Do Things Properly)
Bruce stood at the end of Packaging Line Three staring at 3.16 crates of cheese.
Not about three crates. Not roughly three crates. Precisely 3.16 crates, which was confusing because crates, by long-standing international agreement, are not supposed to come in decimals.
Inside those crates were 42 varieties of cheese, none of which matched the packing slip, two of which were apparently destined for a Michelin-starred restaurant in Lyon, and one of which Bruce was fairly certain had already been shipped yesterday, possibly to Belgium, possibly to Steve.
Bruce checked the first system.
No.
He checked the second system.
Also no, but more confidently.
He checked the third system, which appeared to be down, unless it was merely thinking very hard about being up.
At this point Bruce did what any well-trained professional would do: he opened Slack.
The Slack message helpfully read:
“URGENT - this order needs to go out today. Thx.”
No order number. No customer name. A helpful thumbs-up reaction from someone called Dave (External).
Bruce inhaled.
He checked his notes. He checked his email. He checked the spreadsheet titled “FINAL Orders v7 (USE THIS ONE)”, which had last been updated three weeks ago by someone who no longer worked there.
The cheeses were beginning to sweat. Bruce was beginning to weep.
This is when George arrived.
George was Bruce’s supervisor, which meant George knew slightly more than Bruce, but with great confidence.
“What’s the problem?” George asked.
Bruce gestured weakly at the crates.
“They don’t… go together,” Bruce said. “The system says one thing, the email says another, and the phone order says something about ‘the good blue one, you know the one.’”
George nodded gravely.
“Ah,” he said. “Have you tried the other system?”
Bruce looked at him.
“The one that goes BING?” Bruce asked.
“No,” said George. “The one that goes nothing at all but somehow still matters.”
Bruce broke down and cried.
This was not uncommon.
George did what supervisors do in moments like this: he promised to “raise it in the next supervisors meeting.”
The Supervisors Meeting
At the meeting, George explained that Bruce was “having a bit of trouble.”
“What sort of trouble?” asked Henry, the Operations Manager.
“Well,” said George, “it’s all a bit… scattered.”
Henry wrote this down carefully.
Problem: Scattered.
Later that week, at the Managers Meeting, Henry explained the situation to Bob, the COO.
“Packaging is under pressure,” Henry said. “People are stressed. There’s confusion. Things aren’t flowing.”
Bob nodded thoughtfully.
“So,” Bob said, “it’s a morale issue.”
“No,” Henry said, “it’s more of an-”
“We’ll sort it,” Bob said, waving him off. “I’ll send an email.”
The Email
The email arrived the next morning.
Subject: Small Improvement for Big Wins
Team,
I’ve been hearing that people are feeling stretched.
As a quick win, we’ll be upgrading the cream cheese in the break room.
Everyone likes better cream with their crackers.
Let’s stay positive.
- Bob
Bruce read the email at his station, surrounded by sweating cheeses, contradictory instructions, and a crate labeled “ASSORTED (??)”.
The cream cheese was excellent.
The orders were still wrong.
Nothing changed.
End of Part I.